Tonight with tears of plenty

Sunday, March 27, 2011

So tonight I write from behind tear filled eyes as woman who is constantly being changed by a God of grace.  

I have not sobbed in a long, long time. Not like this. A very dear friend of mine recently bought me a book titled I Will Carry You. I have let it sit on a shelf in my kitchen for weeks. She was prompted to buy it for me after a rather emotion filled night at bible study. I was mad and confused and really angry at God about a little girl named Ellie Kate. My continuously growing faith all started with this precious little girl and her momma.

Ellie Kate is the most beautiful 5 year old I have ever seen. She has a very rare and very serious condition called NKH which stands for Nonketotic Hyperglycinemia. Although Ellie Kate is 5 years old, she cannot eat by mouth, she doesn't speak, she doesn't walk as a 5 year old would, and she has the neurological development equivalent to that of a 6-8 month old baby. You can read more about NKH at

When I first became associated with the McLaughlins, my faith went through a complete whirlwind. At first I didn't understand why our God would allow this family and this little girl to live this way. I looked at her mom, Ryan Elizabeth, in complete astonishment. Her faith was unwavering. She doesn't question our God despite the fact that her little girl isn't healthy. 

And honestly, getting to know the McLaughlins made me question my faith. I have always been one to steer clear of pain and suffering of any kind. I know it exists, but I don't want to have to worry my heart about it. But I couldn't get away from the McLaughlins and Ellie Kate. I couldn't stop thinking about them. 

The more I questioned my God and the more I doubted Him, the more things became clear to me. One thing I know for certain is that none of us where made for this world. It's just more obvious that some are more uncomfortable here than others. We were all wonderfully made in His hands. 

We were never intended to understand our God fully. If we completely understood Him, it would not be considered faith to believe in Him, but He does want us to come to understand that He works in all things. 

Tonight as I picked up the book that has summoned me for weeks, I was overcome with tears of both sorrow, joy, pain, hope, faith, and peace for a mother who carried a baby that she knew would never live in this world. Through all my tears, and all the doubt, there is this woman on the other side of the words who lived it and is speaking truth to the world about a God who saves.

I cannot attempt to tell you all the beautiful things in this book. You will cry, you will laugh, and you will be brought to a place of understanding that you'll be thankful you didn't have to walk alone. 

Buy it; read it, and know that God is who He says He is, and He can do what He says He can do.  And rejoice in your children who will continue to teach you about a life that only comes from salvation in our Lord Jesus Christ.

To read more about Angie Smith go to:
To read more about what the McLaughlins are doing to help others, go to:


  1. I love you so much, Alli. I love the heart God has given you for others, and I love the way He is continually changing you (and all of us as Believers) to look more like Him.

    You are so precious to me, my Friend.

  2. Okay, by the way, the message above was from Ryan and not Michael. Don't know why it showed up that way:)!! Hope I didn't freak anyone out.

    Ryan Elizabeth


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