You know how anytime you try to do something that you know God has called you to do, the devil does his very best to get in the way?
Well, he is getting in my way in the form of doubt right about now.
We are in the beginning stages of preparing to be foster parents (with the intent to eventually adopt). But it's sort of scary.
And maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, but I still hear that voice in my head saying, "Wouldn't it just be easier to have another baby?" And besides the being pregnant for nine months part, YES! It would be easier.
I wouldn't have to explain nearly as much (except with the third child it seems you always have to explain why you're having another baby. So many people don't understand anything past two, but whatever).
I wouldn't have to go to 27 hours of training. I wouldn't have to worry about the child that gets brought into our home and then taken away one day.
It just seems like getting knocked up would be easier. (Excuse my verbage, I'm just frustrated I think.)
Plus, when we told our certification specialist that we wanted children younger than Luke (so less than two years old) she acted like we just ask her to hang the moon.
I feel like I shouldn't feel bad about that! I mean, we already have a pretty strong birth order in place. I don't want to mess with that.
Plus adding a three year old or a six year old in the mix is completely unnatural.
But what do I know? I guess these are just the ramblings of a scared and nervous mamma. I want what is best for my kids first. But, I also know that God has called us to care for His children.
I take it as an honor to love babies who need the love and comfort of a home (even if it's just temporary). Maybe I just need one in my arms to affirm all of this for sure.
We've still got a ways to go. Until then, I'll stay in His Word. And keep the devil as far away from me as I can.
Just some evening doubt I thought I'd share.
.....day 18 of a year of writing.....