Sometimes I yearn for the smell of coffee in the morning. That smell means that the night is over and a new day has begun.
That yearning more often than not comes at night before I fall asleep, while I still have time to worry.
You see, not too long ago, fear and I were close. Like BFFs.
She crept into my mind on a daily basis. She wanted to be close to me and rule over my mind and eventually my life.
Fear is what often caused me to drink wine. I said I did it just because. Just because I was Italian. Or just because I liked it. But more often than not, I used wine to chase away my fear.
So, now on occasion, if I find myself not busy at night (which is rare) I find fear creeping her naughty little head into my life again.
Lately (as in this week) my fear has centered around the stomach bug that is making its way around town.
As a reminder, the stomach bug is what started all my fear and anxiety in the first place (you can read that story here).
So when it comes around every year (and it always does!), I start to feel those thoughts come rushing back.
And for some reason, the night is always the worst.
Tonight I prayed over both of my children believing that God can and will protect us from the virus that seems to be attacking everyone.
But I have also come to a place where I know that if we do get it (which we won't!), there will always be a new morning. I have heard Him say to me so many times now, "And then what?"
I used to worry myself sick about the mere possibility of someone in my family getting sick, but now when I start to think those things, I hear Him saying to me, "If someone does get sick, then what?"
Well, I guess we'll take it step-by-step until the ill are well again and then life will move on as normal.
For some reason, I could never get to the above statement before. I was just stuck at the "if." I never could get to the "then what?" part.
I still yearn for the morning sometimes. I feel like the night is just a really long wait. Like I'm just waiting for something to happen when everyone is asleep.
But now I have my Savior to rest in. I have power through Him and I trust in His perfect plan.
I always worry that someone will be sick at Christmas. I don't want anyone to miss anything.
Later today we're taking our kiddos to Dallas for the weekend, and I want to be able to go. (I don't want anyone to be sick.) That's probably why I'm up at 1:15 a.m. writing this. I'm attempting to keep myself busy, so I won't worry.
But in all reality, I've come a long way in a little less than a year. And I know now that I can rest in the promises of His Word.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8
.....day 126 of a year of writing....
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