The room was uninviting....almost stark. Nothing but 3 folding chairs, a folding table, and a few age appropriate toys for the babies.
It's not exactly the way I planned on spending Valentine's Day. Add in the poop in the tub and the puke in someone's bed, and it was really a gem of a night!
At least now I'm snuggled on the couch next to my hubby watching recorded TV laughing about it all. Well, kind of. We are laughing. Laughing that this is what it is. Hey, it's the best we can do right now.
We met mom today in that small, uninviting room at a non-profit counseling center while being observed through a 2 way mirror. The entire event was better than I anticipated. I was afraid of what she would think of me. Honestly. I know that sounds extremely egotistical, but I was worried about what she would think about us.
I can't imagine what it was like to be her. She hasn't seen her babies in 2 weeks, and I know that you reap what you sow, but she's still a momma who loves her babies. Of that I'm sure.
I also know that she's young; she's made some big mistakes, and there is a good chance no one has ever shown her what it really looks like to be a momma. How do you know how to be a good momma without an example of what it looks like or more importantly without Jesus? I really don't know.
I get it. I get how it's hard. I look at the baby (who turned 1 in January) and can't imagine what it would be like to have him and a newborn (which is exactly what she had.) It would have scared me too.
But in that room, sitting on the floor, handing out cheerios and goldfish one at a time, we got the first glimpse of the woman these babies know to be their mama. They love her, that's for sure, and that's a good sign. At least they weren't running from her or uninterested in her. (I was worried about that too).
The Lord is working on me, there is no doubt about that, because just a few days ago, I was pretty sure I hated her. How could she ever screw up so badly to get them taken away? But then again, maybe it's by grace and grace alone that many of us have never had to experience that.
In all reality, she's just like me.....only with a few more bad decisions and a little less guidance. My only prayer now is that God allows her to see that. That she and I are really not that different.
The biggest difference...I have Him. And really, He is all she needs.
Saying goodnight as a sinner saved by grace and grace alone.....on a Valentine's day full of stark, uninviting rooms, cheerios, goldfish, poop, and puke....
.....day 186 of a year of writing.....