And here's the rest of the story.....
So, our announcement yesterday may have left you wanting more of the "story." I guess this is that story.
Even before we got Wade and Bailey, Brian and I knew that we wanted a bigger family. We knew we wanted more babies.
But, I was pretty positive that I did not want to be pregnant again. It was mostly for selfish reasons. I didn't want to go through the weight gain and weight loss again. I didn't want to be moody (okay, I didn't want to be more moody than I already am).
I thought it would be more fun to adopt and just suddenly have a baby. We didn't really know what the future held for us, but that's about the time that we felt the Lord leading us into foster care.
You wouldn't normally think that adding two babies to your family overnight would make you want more babies. Not exactly.
But since they have been here, I have been so incredibly aware of the bond I have with my children. It's different with Wade and Bailey. I'm not their momma (and I won't be), but I still thought maybe I would be able to love them more.
Very quickly, I became aware of that incredible bond I have with my kids, and I wanted it again. It was like all of a sudden, I was yearning to feel those tiny movements inside me just once more.
When I told Brian how I was feeling, he was excited (obviously)! But, he was really excited because he had been willing to do his part in the baby making exchange for a while. He wanted another one before I did, but it wasn't his body, so he stood by my side. But, once I told him I wanted to be pregnant, he was thrilled. We decided we would try for a month.
With our previous track record which consisted of trying and getting pregnant, trying and getting pregnant, we thought there was a good chance it would happen again. So, we kept our fingers crossed and we tried.
I know that's sickening to many of you. I've had many good friends try for too long to get pregnant without any luck. I don't know what it is. I guess we're just fertile.
So, this past Wednesday, I took a test (even though I was already pretty sure), and it immediately showed positive.
It's technically too early to tell anyone, but we think that's crazy. We'd love for you to be praying for our tiny baby (who is technically the size of an appleseed). This baby is obviously a huge part of what we think about now and since you get a lot of what I think about here, I didn't know how I wouldn't tell you.
From our calculations, we think we're due around the 11th of November. Tomorrow will make six weeks pregnant.
There are lots of things to think about now, of course. I'm concerned about Wade and Bailey. I originally thought that if you had a baby, you couldn't foster for a year. Not true. Our case worker said, if you have enough bedrooms, you can keep them. Well, we technically don't have enough bedrooms or seat belts for five kids.
And honestly, I don't know if I can do that. Who knows where we'll be in the process of reunification by November. Hopefully, closer or much farther away, so that these babies can get to where they are ultimately going. It weighs really heavy on my heart though. And it makes me feel really selfish.
Am I selfish if I say that once this baby is born, we can't keep them? (I know what most of you are going to say. You'll say, "Of course, you're not selfish!") But I have to ask myself that. Right now, they are supposed to be here, and all of this is in God's timing and His perfect plan.
I'm just placing complete trust in Him that we'll clearly know exactly what we're supposed to do when the time comes to make decisions like that. Maybe this whole foster care journey was put in place to show me what I really desired if I could get over my own selfish desires. Who knows? I'm just along for the ride most of the time, being grateful that the Lord is always steering our ship in the right direction.
So, that's the long version of the Dalkes are pregnant story. Thanks for hanging out during our crazy journey. We love you and consider you family.
.....day 218 of a year of writing.....