Overall today was discouraging. It seems like the devil enjoys coming at me from all angles.
I am currently battling a horrendous cold. The babies are struggling with allergies rather severely at the moment, and I'm still feeling exhausted.
On top of it all, we have a situation in progress with some people we love very very much that is just difficult for everyone.
I also found out some discouraging news regarding our foster care case. I can't tell you very much, but I think you know that mom and dad are doing everything they can to get the babies back. And I thought that things were going really well, but today I learned that biological dad is in a bigger mess than I originally thought, and mom is acting really strange lately.
All in all, I'm discouraged. I'm starting to get worried about where the babies are going to ultimately end up. We have made some decisions about how long into this pregnancy we are willing to keep them here, and I originally thought our plan might mean that they could stay here until they were reunited with their mom and dad. But after today's news, I'm afraid they are going to be in DHS care much longer than we can keep them.
Now I'm all wrapped up thinking about what is best for them. Do we keep them as long as we possibly can before they go to another foster family? Do we throw the towel in now so they can get adjusted someplace else? I really have no idea.
Our social worker told us that we could keep them once the baby came as long as we had enough bedrooms. But there is no way. I just don't think we can physically do it. Plus we don't have a car that will hold five car seats. We don't have enough bedrooms, and once I start getting bigger, it is going to be physically hard to care for everyone. I just keep thinking about trying to get the kids into their car seats in the third row of my Tahoe. Right now I have to either crawl back there to strap them in, or I have to learn over the top of a car seat to snap in the kiddo in the back. I'm not going to be able to do that when my belly gets big. How will I take them anywhere?
Am I crazy for thinking about these things? It's all my mind is consumed with lately.
On a good note, I got to spend the morning with some amazing women from numerous LifeChurch campuses around the metro area. We got together to talk about the expansion of our women's ministry at LifeChurch which is really just in the beginning stages at most campuses. It was wonderful to be around such amazing women of God. It was a wonderful reminder of what I know the Lord has plainly and clearly called me to do. I left excited, passionate, and ready to take it up a notch.
I love the way He keeps reminding me that He has a plan for me, and that there is something specific He has called me to. It feels like we're on the long road sometimes, but I'll go wherever He leads me.
It's always an adventure.
.....day 249 of a year of writing.....
Praying for that PEACE that passes all understanding to guard your heart and your mind. The Lord has those sweet babies in the palm of his hand. Their days are written in his book and he has a plan for them. Pray that he will reveal what is best so you know whether to let them go now or in a bit. I know you are praying - you're a women of faith. Your post today reminds me to keep you and your family deep in my prayers. You amaze me with so much that you do and take on. I wish I had a smidge of your energy and passion. You're one amazing woman and I'm privileged to know you! Praying for that sweet peace to flood over you tonight and that there would be healing from colds and allergies in your home. May tonight be one of rest and may you wake up recharged and ready to face tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteLove you sister and all of you will be and remain in my prayers. As I read your words and hear your discouragement along with your faith, it takes me back to our journey with Striker and foster care. I know you know all of this but this is what the Lord has laid on my heart to share with. Most of the things that the Lord brings into our Lives whether for a moment or longer we will never fully understand or see the fruits of our obedience. I believe the Lord brings us the opportunities because we are willing to share His Love with those He places in our paths. The little ones and their family to pray for if nothing more. Ultimately they are the Lords babies and we have to give them to Him and His will and know that He will take care of them, and to thank Him for the opportunity to help Him in His work in their lives. More than likely you won't understand the way that it needs to happen but in God's goodness as time goes on He will reveal bits and pieces to you that will confirm, comfort and strengthen your relationship with Him and that family in ways you never could of imagined. One day at a time, don't get ahead of yourself, God will give you that peace beyond all understanding when the decision needs to be made, and what it needs to be, He will make your paths straight. Gina
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