What is comfort? I've almost forgotten. I can tell you what it's not. It's not being four months pregnant and having four children under the age of five. It's not that comfortable, honestly. (As if you didn't already know that if you've been following for any fair amount of time.) I have definitely done my fair amount of complaining here. I'm not apologizing for it....it's been real, raw, authentic.
But, no matter how much I yearn for that comfort of "normal life" again, I know that my discomfort is part of His work in me.
I don't believe that He called us as Christians to live comfortably. I believe He has work to do in us and that is often achieved through discomfort. (At least it has been in my life for sure.)
I keep asking myself what it is. What is it that He's trying to show me in all this frustration with DHS, all this disappointment with the birth mother, all this exhaustion with chronically sick babies and a system that doesn't really seem to have the children's best interest at heart.
How do I advocate? What do I do? It's obvious that this doesn't work. There are so many details and things that I can't share that I wish I could. The system is not okay. It makes me mad.
Brian and I spent the past two weeks attempting to get hold of the babies' case worker. Email after email and nothing. Phone calls were filtered to an already full voicemail. It's frustrating to say the least.
But, in all the annoyance and discomfort, I am seeking the Lord, turning to His Word....can't get enough of it really. It's like I know there is something there.....there is something He wants me to see or do or say. I don't think I can fix any of this, but I can open my mouth and advocate.
But, if it weren't for the discomfort, for the sacrifice, I wouldn't care. And I would not have changed the way that I have.
Comfort is nice, but it produces the curse of mediocrity. I don't want to live a life of mediocrity. I want to live a life that moves people, that influences, that makes a difference. Don't you?
Pray for a little discomfort. It's not a normal prayer, but it's better than the curse of comfort...the curse of mediocrity. It's sort of scary all that discomfort, but it's really oh so good and challenging.
.....day 294 of a year of writing.....