There just aren't any other words to describe it.
The day started with my bible study group getting together to make a list of the people we knew who lost their homes.
The closest was a family member of someone in our group. So we set out to buy clothes for 4 littles boys to get them through the next week or so.
In the car, on the way to Wal-Mart, I made the comment that doing something was so much better than watching the news. The news was becoming too much to bear. I watched until 2:00 am last night just waiting for good news.
The good news came this morning when the news reported that 101 people were rescued during the night. Praise the Lord!
So I was beginning to feel better. We were out. We were actively helping. And that felt good.
And then I got a call from a dear friend who had the most horrific job today of being in the room with parents as they found out their children were confirmed dead. I can't even type it without tears running down my cheeks. I just can't imagine.
Ryan and Mike buried their daughter Ellie Kate in December, so they understand more than most what it's like to lose a child. It's not the same circumstances, but it's still the loss of a child. And most of us have no idea what that pain is like. We can only imagine, and our thoughts alone are terrifying and horrific.
But Ryan called me with a very specific assignment. One of the families they were able to minister to not only lost their daughter but also their home yesterday (as so many families who lost children did). This momma asked for an outfit to take to the funeral home tomorrow. Specifically, a shirt with a unicorn on it.
As soon as I heard from Ryan, I was on it. Ready to work and do whatever we could to make this happen for this family. I immediately contacted a friend of mine who has an embroidery shop to see if she could make a unicorn shirt.
Of course, she not only made 1, but she made several for this momma to choose from. And then it was the matter of a skirt. We needed to complete an outfit. Emily loved frilly skirts and tutus.
So many of you offered your time and money and talents to make sure Emily looks beautiful. At the end of the day, I picked up a perfect purple tutu and a gorgeous black petticoat (her favorite colors were purple and black). Two beautiful souls drove from Chickasha to Edmond to bring them to me.
And I sobbed and I wailed and I told God a thing or two about how I really feel about all this.
It all suddenly became too real.
And I wanted to argue. I wanted to yell. I wanted to say that it sucks.
And I said it. I told Him that I think this is horrible and not fair and horrific.
I told Him that I knew He could have saved them, but He didn't.
But He didn't.
And then through my tear filled eyes, I saw the sun break through the clouds as it began to set over the horizon, and I couldn't believe that it was only yesterday. It feels like a lifetime already.
And in that moment, it occurred to me, that if there is no pain, if there is no sorrow; If we never mourn and we never question and we never get angry....then we don't need Him at all.
But there is pain and there is sorrow. And we mourn and we question and we're mad about it. And it's not fair.
And I need Him.
And we need Him.
And in my rage and anger and sheer sorrow, He was so incredibly close.
I saw the hands and feet of Christ today so very very clearly. I watched as people full of sin and self righteousness, stepped out of their selfishness and gave freely of all they had.
Humans are amazing.
In the midst of our sin and imperfection there is something good that rises up that so desperately wants to give and serve and love.
In the hardest of times, at the core of who we are, we are so much like Christ.
It's when the day becomes monotonous and common that we stray from our spirits of giving and hope and love and become consumed with ourselves.
But in times of crisis we begin to act more like He who created us. And beautiful, beautiful things happen.
Today, I am proud to be a human, made in the image of God.
He is good in the midst of the bad. He is true when everything seems false. Sovereign always.
I heard Him whisper to me today that this is only a breath. Only a moment that we are here. There is so much more that we don't understand or see.
I will not pretend to have all the answers. I don't. But I will reassure you that if you cry out to Him, if he seek Him, even if you get mad at Him, He will comfort you. He will reassure you. He will bring peace that only He can bring.
Father, tonight I pray that you would comfort those who seek you. Bring peace to the families who lost loved ones. Only you know their pain, Lord because you sent your only Son to die for us. And we are eternally grateful. Help us to trust you. Help us to find comfort and solace in your arms.
In the name of Jesus Christ,