When you have small kiddos, you're usually so exhausted by the time you get to bed that sleep just comes.
But last night was different. I had read an article about the 7 children that died inside the Plaza Elementary school in Moore, Oklahoma on Monday. I'm pretty sure that's what did it.
The part that got me the most was learning about how 2 of the little girls, best friends, were found holding each other's hands....there for each other until the moment they went to meet Jesus.
And then I couldn't sleep. I just laid there; eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling with so many questions for God.
Brian could tell something was off. I didn't want to watch TV. I didn't want to read. And I obviously wasn't sleeping. When he asked what was wrong, I simply told him I was restless.
And I guess it rubbed off. Then he couldn't sleep. I didn't tell him until this morning about the article and the girls and their precious hands being clasped together.
As soon as I said it, I could tell that it shook him too. And then he said, "We weren't made for this world. And those little girls were not made for this world."
And he's right. It doesn't make it easier, but he's right. And that's why all this is so hard. We were not made to deal with death. Death wasn't part of God's original plan, but when sin entered the world through man, death and all it's consequences, came with it.
I was thinking today about the things we use to comfort us in this sin filled world. From an early age we begin to cling to things of the world.
On Sunday, we misplaced, or maybe just lost, Wyatt's lovie. It's a little white blankie with a bear head and arms on it. And he has not slept well since.
We have tried to force numerous other lovies onto this poor child, but apparently only the one will do. He uses it to comfort and soothe himself back to sleep. He's 6 months old and he's already using "things" to comfort him.
We do the same thing as adults. We want the things that we love in this world to comfort us instead of turning to the Lord for comfort.
Most of us have vices that we turn to in our times of deepest pain. They may not be illegal things but we all find comfort in "things" from time to time.
This week there has not been a "thing" in this world that has been able to comfort me. Nothing.
There has been too much pain, and too much heartache. Too much destruction, and too many questions for God.
Even my "lovies" haven't been able to comfort me this week. This week I have found myself praying, seeking, turning to the Lord over and over again, and in Him, and only Him, I have found comfort.
Last night I was finally able to sleep when Brian prayed over me, and then I prayed that the Lord would bring peace that only He could. And it was as if I could hear Him say, "my peace is all you need."
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27