To read the beginning of this story, click here.
And I thought I would be the one that helped them. And in a way, we did. We provided a loving and nurturing home for them for 6 months.
But so much more than me helping them, they helped me.
They changed me.
They made me know what it was like to really really love. There was so much risk involved in loving them. And for a while, I held my heart from them. I couldn't fall in love. What about when they left?
And it was different than I thought it would be. I thought I would love them like I loved my own children. I thought I would want to keep them for always.
And part of me did. But another part of me knew that the way I loved them was different.
Those babies created a yearning in me for another baby. I thought I was done. But as I rocked him and snuggled him and began to fall in love with him, I knew I wanted to be pregnant again.
So while we had "the babies" (as they have been permanently named at our house), we started trying for another one of our own.
It didn't take long before I was pregnant. Our baby #3 was on the way.
And all the while, the Lord was doing a huge work in me. He was changing me and challenging me in ways that I didn't even know I could be changed. He was taking my selfishness and anger and fear and doing away with all of it.
I was no longer afraid. I couldn't be. There was simply no time for that.
I was learning that I couldn't be angry at these babies because their parents screwed up. It wasn't their fault.
And I was learning what it was like to truly serve.
Changed and challenged and different.....I am all those things because of the babies.
During this entire process, the Lord was planting another wild dream in our heart.
It was a simple love that was put in our soul for California. It's climate, it's outdoor lifestyle, the beach, the mountains....we fell in love with all of it.
And before we knew it, we could feel a very clear and obvious tug on our hearts to step out in faith and make a drastic move...A move across the country from Oklahoma to California.
We had no exact reason. We just felt like we were supposed to go in obedience.
In the middle of all this, it became very clear that our babies would not be going back to their biological mom and that they should be placed in a pre-adoptive home. And with that decision from the judge, we knew we couldn't keep them much longer. If they were going to be adopted, they needed to be moved as soon as the right family was found. We knew they weren't supposed to be ours.
It became obvious who they were supposed to belong to. There was a family with a little girl who could have been our babies' older sister. Tow headed and spunky, she was going to fall in love with a little sister and brother. It seemed like the Lord was working everything out perfectly.
This family couldn't have any other children. They knew our babies before we took them in. It was while we were on vacation and the babies were staying with family (next door to their soon to be pre-adoptive parents) that the dad saw our littles outside playing, walked in the front door of his home and told his wife that those babies were supposed to be theirs.
It seemed like God's perfect plan was working out perfectly.
But things aren't always what they seem.....
To be continued....