Breath and Grace

Monday, October 14, 2013

Sometimes we just need time to breathe. Although we're staying in a beautiful cabin surround by God's splendor in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, this has not been that time for a worn down momma. 

I have a few precious and quite moments while the bigs are outside bracing the cold and the little is napping. It's sure to be fleeting, but my heart was yearning for the keys. 

I haven't wanted to write lately. Not at all. Most of you know that I write everyday...until lately. I've missed 3 days this month for no good reason other than I just didn't feel like it. Sometimes when I get uninspired, that happens. It's a obvious cry that I need a little inspiration and recharge in my life. 

Business is good. I'm crazy in love with my husband. Homeschooling is off to a good start overall. But there is something in my soul that's unsettled. 

The devil has definitely been messing with me lately. I'm weary. Raising 3 kids is so very far from easy, and maybe because we're here and off our schedules and away from other people and our normal routine, it seems harder. Brian has been hunting or fishing most of the time we've been here (which was always the plan). This is his annual hunting trip and we decided to come with, knowing full well that we'd be on our own a lot of the time. We may have a little bit of cabin fever. 

Maybe it's just the constant demand of having to help someone all the time. It gets to be a lot. And for a momma who knows she needs alone time, this trip has been especially challenging. 

I know what works for me though. I know I need help. I know I need date nights. I know I need quiet time. I need workout time. I need routine and normalcy. And I guess knowing those things and having those things reaffirmed through this trip is a good thing. 

Sometimes we just need to breathe. 

I wonder if it happens to you too. Do the demands get to be too much sometimes? When I don't create time for me, the demands seem like more than I can bear.

And honestly, I could never do this on my own. I honestly don't know how I would manage without the grace of Christ. There are multiple times in a day when I feel like I can't do i'm not cut out for this. I need more practice. And there where grace finds it's way in. 

In all my attempts at peace and perfection and happiness, I fall short without Christ. But when Jesus is in the picture, there is grace. And grace is not perfection. It's far from it, but it fills in all the gaps and the mistakes and mis-steps and regrets. 

Yes, sometimes I just need some room to breathe and a whole lot of grace. I find it in those tiny people's sweet smiles, in the incredible grace that grant me daily, in the joy of their laughter. And I am incredibly grateful for those sweet moments and for grace. 

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