It's a good thing I like storms, because that saying "when it rains, it pours," has been so very true in our lives lately.
I don't feel like we're in the midst of a storm, but I do feel like the devil would like me to believe that we are. Today was a day that many people would classify as a storm.
It started with information about Baby A's bio mom that I didn't want to hear. It quickly moved to the results of my mammogram. They found a very small spot on one of my breasts that they need to do further testing on. The breast specialist made it clear that they were not concerned about it, but because of my genetics, we would need to test it further.
I'm not worried about it, but it feels like this annoying look into my future where I get tested and re-tested over and over again for the rest of my life because I'm BRCA 1 and 2 positive.
Oh and as I'm on the phone with the lady at the breast center, I look up at the ceiling in our kitchen and notice a huge water spot.
Turns out, our water softener machine thing is leaking. I though that maybe that would mean we could get a new kitchen and new floors upstairs, but it actually just meant a $6,000 deductible.
Bring on the rain.
I also spent a lot of the day feeling entirely annoyed with the foster care system. You really shouldn't feel like you're under a microscope all the time as a foster family choosing to love a baby.
And love this baby we do. We're pretty much addicted to him already, and I'm doing my best to ignore the very real possibility that he could move soon, since his time in custody will probably not be short. Everyone agrees he should be with his brother. That really is what's best.
This afternoon, after crying in the bathroom (it was just a tiny pity party, I promise), Brian encouraged me to take the big kids to Unpluggits to paint and play for a couple hours while he stayed home with Wyatt and Baby A.
I did it, and while the kids painted, I fell into the gospel. I'm currently doing a beautiful and simple and wonderful study by She Reads Truth called A Study of Justice. Day 5 of the study was written by Jennie Allen.
I may have cried in the middle of a children's play place over the words she wrote in today's devotional. Maybe.
First of all, this verse is plastered in the middle of the devotional:
He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those whoa re foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt. ~Deuteronomy 10:18-19And Jennie tells a story of how she and her husband prayed a prayer that at times, she has regretted....wanted to take back....but only for moments.
That prayer? "God-we will do anything. "
It's a powerful prayer. It's a prayer that will change a life. It's a prayer that can wreck your life in the best way.
If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. ~Matthew 16:25
Jennie explained that after praying that prayer "nothing in their previously sane lives was the same....God led us deeper into the lives of the people He loved and further from the safety of the familiar."
Yeah. That's what I want. And maybe, that's where we are. That's how I felt today....nothing is the same.
"Freedom and healing hide in the backwards way God tells us to find life. Die to live. Lose to find. Empty yourself to be filled."
"God is home to us, and helping others find their way home makes our journey have a little less alien feeling."
Yep. That's exactly where I want to be. Wrecked. Changed. Helping others find their way home.
Let's do that.
Bring on the rain.